UCI Dining

According to Zotreport.com, a great news site pertaining to UCI happenings, a story recently broke that we are getting our very own Jamba Juice at UCI! I personally can’t wait to stand in another massive line for another variety of overpriced, fashionable drinks that people buy solely to walk around with the cup. I mean, it’s great to stand in line at Starbucks for 50 minutes while masses of students yap about their theories about how “green” they are being and what not, over a drink they spent a good chunk of their FAFSA money on. All the while, the poor kids working at the front are getting the smack down from some wanna’ be TA who is having a panic attack because for whatever reason, it’s as if this TA won’t be able to run their half-way productive discussion section with a drink that is one size smaller than “venti,” which to this day I’m still not sure how to pronounce.

There is something about drinking coffee that makes people think they are more intelligent, or at least look more intelligent despite whether they are or not. When you’re having a conversation at Starbucks and someone says, “Well you know what I think…” (sips drink, smacks lips and calmly sets the cup down while you wait for their insightful blurb about something pseudo-wise) they are doing that just to make sure you know that they are drinking a drink that you probably wouldn’t be able to recognize even if they told you what it’s called. (It’s okay, the “barista” knows their name.)

With any hope, Jamba Juice will draw a little of the attention away from Starbucks and onto something else so that I can actually stand in there without bumping into some yupster on a Macbook.

Also in the article there is news that a Panda Express could be replacing the infamous Rice Garden. For those of you that don’t know, Rice Garden is off brand Panda Expres, which is off-brand Chinese food. My biggest problem with Rice Garden is the fact that everyone who works there looks as if they are going to kill themselves at any given moment. It wouldn’t surprise me if if I saw the depressed girl at the front, while chopping my kung-pao chicken, just cut her head off and plop it in the wok, wrap it all up with a pair of chop-sticks, a fork, after looking at me twice, and a fortune cookie with lotto numbers on the back in a bag with a smiley face on it. I’m not sure what kind of working conditions are provided in that place but man, the moral of that place makes me think twice about asking for half rice, and half chow-mein because I don’t wanna’ be the guy to send one of the kids working there over the edge.

But ah yes, Panda Express, the all knowing, mother of all Chinese food places in America. And yes, I know it’s not real, authentic Chinese food. I don’t need to be corrected when I say lets get “Chinese food,” relax, I understand it’s not Chinese food like your Mom makes back home, especially when a Hispanic guy comes out of the back with a bowl of Beijing Beef, it’s ironic. Anyways, I was saying that hopefully Panda Express will turn things around as far as worker morale. Believe me, I can taste the attitude in my orange chicken (the only dish that is holding up the whole American/Chinese food deal) and boy it had better be sweet.

Lastly, Tortilla Express could be replaced by a Wahoo’s Fish Tacos. I’ve never been to Wahoo’s before, probably because I’m too embarrassed to say the name, but all I know is that no matter what sort of dilapidated, run down wanna-be franchise they slap in that spot, it will be better than Tortilla Express. Now, as a freshman, you have ZotBucks which is basically currency that you can spend on food at any of the places mentioned above or at Zot-N-Go, a convenience store on campus. Towards the end of the quarter, like most of the students I knew, we had extra ZotBucks. I must say that I would rather go into Zot-N-Go, and buy 63 dollars worth of Scantrons than eat at Tortilla Express. Either that, or tease death with the workers at Rice Garden or even talk about indie music with know-it-all punks at Starbucks.

Man, In-N-Out sounds great.

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2 Responses to UCI Dining

  1. Terry Lok says:

    Great insight on Starbucks and Jamba Juice. I can’t ever go to Starbucks because I know I’ll get a disapproving turning-up of the nose from the resident pale-as-snow-frail-as-a-flower-self-proclaimed-indie-music-expert barista because I don’t know any of their stupid custom drinks.

    Panda Express ain’t too great…but it definitely does sound like an upgrade to what “y’all’ve” got right now…

    Wahoo’s rules. Trust me.

  2. keith says:

    This blog gave me a good laugh. I’ll be sad if they take out rice garden.. yea.. they all look terrible depressed, but I like it better than panda. Maybe I’m actually such a dick, that the I enjoy the taste of other people’s misery…… maybe not. I don’t know. Regardless, I like chow mien that’s been under a heating lamp a little longer than it should be.

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