Facebook notifications are magic.  There are few things more warming than a mothers hug, and one of them is a hunky set of notifications.


I’m not sure what it is, but there is a certain thrill that you get in the tips of your fingers as they lay on your laptop waiting for Facebook to load.  Will you be greeted with reassurance that there is someone out there that wants to talk to you, or will you be faced with a cruel dark cold world?

This world.

(Via my Facebook)

But the sorrow continues.  If by some chance you do have a notification, don’t get too excited.  It’s probably one of the following:

  • Someone else having a real conversation on someone’s status that you liked but have no affiliation with
  • Some app letting you know that someone you don’t really know beat your highest score at some Facebook game you don’t really play
  • A friend request from someone you don’t know but has 50 mutual friends of people that were low on their friend count so accepted that person even though she is likely to be a stripper
  • Your mom tagging pictures of you at Thanksgiving dinner


Cartoon put it better that I could.

Yeah, but Facebook Christmas really comes on your birthday.  What a better birthday present than triple digit notifications?  I’m not even sure if Facebook gives you over 99.  Regardless, your birthday is probably the best time to really appreciate an age in which people you haven’t talked to in 6 years want to tell you to, “HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Like Christmas, when you get a bunch of gifts, your Mom starts hassling you to send out the thank-you’s.

So how do you act when you get 100 people telling you happy birthday?


  • Copy and paste “thank you!” in every single one and pretend like no one will know you did that
  • Answer each individual birthday wish with a ‘thoughtful’ reply (“THANKS!! ______ We should hang out soon i miss you!!!!!”/Thanks man! Lets chill soon” customized to each individual)
  • Update your status to, “THANKS FOR ALL THE BDAY WISHES!!!” and think that no one will know that you were too lazy to thank every one individually.
  • “Like” each of your birthday wishes
  • Do nothing

I’m sure we’ve all done on of the above.

But it’s OK, Facebook hasn’t been around long enough for society to determine what is appropriate behavior on that big day.

Too far?

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One Response to Notifications

  1. Luke says:

    Luke likes your post.

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